An emotional week

There has been lots of ups and downs last week...Didn't feel too good about being here.. felt really home sick. everything i do and say i felt like someone is looking at me. Every reaction i get from the random clerk or milano ppl i felt uncomfortable.

Dispite the fact i have moved to different cities all my life i never felt this alone in Milano. Where i lived, usually has a large asian community. Unlike in milano. Many time i go to a shop i get treated differently because my language problem. But i love the fact they just simply called me the Chinese! Very rude dont u think. yeah my conversation level is still at the babe level but trust me when i have to i understand what they are talking about. Even my teacher calls my the chinese !!! drives me crazy.

Last week of full of random cases like this. From school, to little boy. I know they dont mean it but i feel like crap whenever i am out. I just dont feel like i belong in this community. If it is not for Fede's support i think i am already on the plane back to San Francisco.

Milano, Italy is a great play to visit. It is romantic and full of culture however living here is another story. The reality hits. English may not be as useful you think.

I NEED TO SPEAK ITALIAN. I NEED TO START BEING MYSELF. STRONGER AND GET OUT THERE MORE. I THINK THIS IS THE ONE AND ONLY SOLUTION FOR ME TO FEEL LESS OUT HERE BY MYSELF. OF COURSE THIS MEANS WHEN I FELT I AM MISTRATED I AM MORE ABLE TO DEFEND MYSELF.